Remember this post?

• “Thank god spring is creeping in!” I said. And then it snowed for another fucking month. To those of you from Denmark, I’m sorry, it was me! I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and Nemesis heard me. (I actually thought it was pretty cozy but I’ve stuck inside ever since so don’t listen to the crazy lady with cabin fever, people.)

• “Eat clean and healthy and blah blah even though you’re sick“. Shut up lady. Just shut up. Cause before you know it, nobody in the family is able to eat or hold food in. So just be thankful for your ability to eat. Still looking forward to getting that back btw.

• And the finale -cause I just had to, now didn’t I?- ; “In a couple of days I’ll be back in the (dearly missed) gym and back on track!” I’m just shaking my head here.. Let me  describe my situation to you. I’m sick like a dog and I’m on some pretty god damn heavy meds who people sell their grandmas for. All 4 of them (it’s called divorce). And I ain’t be playin’ in no gym, people.

Anyway, this wasn’t to complain (good job, huh?) but just to say, hey I’m sorry for The Universe being an ass, I’m still alive (kinda) and I’m a boring farthole with nothing to post. So if I’d have to complain it would be about being boring farthole.
But look I made it to the computer, HALLELUJAH IT’S A MIRACLE! Bye now, I’m going to go pass out.

If you like to push your body to the limit then pregnancy and childbirth will be 9 months of pink fluffy clouds for you. If you are a sane person who enjoys the comfort of being able to live without aching somewhere then wear a condom.

When we started planning for our second child we knew that I would probably get SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction) again. And while I gladly am willing to pay the price for carrying our little wonder it still isn’t peachy. We have of course talked to doctors and midwives about the issue but there really isn’t anything they can do.  We’re prepared and informed and then it’s all about crossing our fingers that if it does happen,  it’s as far along in the pregnancy as possible. One thing can help prevent/delay SPD; staying in shape and keeping the muscles around the pelvis strong and limber.  Now that sounds simple right? Except Hey, Universe! Let’s throw some contractions in there and see what happens. Long story short; I’ve had some undisclosed contractions which has resulted in my doctor ordering me to a minimum of psychical activity as well as having to lay down when I experience them. So I’m not on bed rest. I’m just useless and stubborn and frustrated. I haven’t had a good workout or run in what seems like forever and it makes me feel like I’m just sitting here waiting for my pelvis to fall apart all over again. These past few weeks have been full of signs that things are going the wrong way and just the process of lifting one foot 7 inches above the ground while the other is down to put my shoe on, is getting more painful each day.

Today I enter third and final trimester(!!) so I’ve made it pretty far but the thought of 3 months with this only getting worse makes me want to live in a hot tub and eat only ice cream until the baby comes. Mainly because it affects my ability to be the mother I want to be for Willow Ava.  I can’t always pick her up and when its time for bed and we stand in the window and say goodnight to the stars, it’s always Kevin that has to hold her. I often “break the rules” and pick her up or carry her around but I also pay the price afterwards, resulting in more guilt.

Baby is great. We haven’t had our final ultra sound yet but until proven wrong we’re still expecting a little girl. I can’t wait to meet her! Thinking about the moment when she will finally be in our arms almost makes the pain go away, if just for an instant.

Today is not a good day. I can barely walk. The pain makes me heavily nauseated and keeps my vision blurred. The sleep deprivation feels like acid in my brain. I am actually looking forward to going into labor so Miracle can come out before my body gives up.